just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
