Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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