paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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