I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
