Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
