if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
