I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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