I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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