on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
is it fun? or sober?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
