Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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