Can i not drive my cunt home
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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