I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
