He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
