is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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