foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
