with your own penis?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
