oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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