Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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