Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
