just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
