so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
