You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
