I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
