I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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