Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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