She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am one with the molecules
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
