turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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