So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
