it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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