Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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