You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
