Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
