his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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