I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
