We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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