I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
