please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize