I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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