You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
