hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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