I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
