Only a mothe r could love this liver
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
