Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
