i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize