I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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