Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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