I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
