I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
