just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize