Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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