Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
