Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your shirt... Was in my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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