we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
