In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
