my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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