Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
