I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
where am i from again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
