walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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