he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
