Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she told me i tasted like america
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
