Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize