There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
