You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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