i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
