Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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