Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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