I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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