YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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