I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
