Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do herpes really smell.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
