the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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