After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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