I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
