Kiss
Puke
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
