? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
