i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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