It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
