11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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