you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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