Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
