I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
