I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
