i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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