i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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