You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize