Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
