Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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