sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
