you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize