Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
