Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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