Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm so fucking centered right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
