come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
