i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize