I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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