Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
