Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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