Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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