i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
