You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
