I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
