I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
