is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
