I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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