The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
