are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
