College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
