my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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