your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
