This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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