Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Houston, we have a squirter
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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