So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
