You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
